In the early part of this year I felt myself slipping into a darker and darker place. Having a history of depression I knew that this was not something that I could allow to happen. I was finding that every time I sat down to write a blog post I was wanting to talk exclusively about how miserable I was feeling, how much I wasn't enjoying motherhood, how desperate I was feeling to escape it all. I knew that my beloved readers don't read blogs to be depressed and dragged down and I knew I was in grave danger of doing just this and driving them all away. And anyway, what do I have to be miserable about ? I'm healthy, I have a glorious son, a wonderful husband, no money worries. I feared that people reading all my woes would be thinking just this. What's more, I was also becoming aware that I was using blogs and twitter to withdraw further from the real world as it was a less painful place to inhabit...escapism. So, I decided to withdraw from my online world totally, go cold turkey, and force myself to re engage with my real life, and in particular with my son. I'm pleased to say that whilst it was a struggle, and not an instantaneous solution it did work. I now feel strong enough to dip my toe back in... and here I am.
So, what's been going on? I'll get the bad stuff out of the way first. My dad has continued to deteriorate rapidly to the point where, in my opinion, he now needs full time care. He has recently been into a residential home for two weeks respite care, but is now back at home with my mum who struggles on. His stay in respite did demonstrate one thing, which was that he is now so poorly that he really needs a nursing home as a residential home is not sufficiently staffed to cope with his needs. He turned 64 in April.
Wonderful husband and I have had a lovely few months. We went to Marrakech in April for 5 days, we went to Le Manoir aux Quat' Saisons for 2 nights in June to celebrate his 40th birthday, we went to The Waterside Inn for dinner (also for his 40th birthday celebrations) and we've been to the Amalfi Coast in Italy for a week in June. All without Star, who was holidaying in Devon with my family and having a fabulous time. I really have been living the high life and it's been wonderful. Oh, and the sun has been shining ALOT which is almost better that all of it :D
If you were thinking that the news couldn't get any better I've got to tell you that you are mistaken as I've saved the best till last. Today I am 12 weeks and 1 day pregnant :D Earlier today we went up to Harley Street for a super duper 12 week scan with the famous, god like Professor Stuart Campbell. At my ripe old age we walked into the room with a Down's risk of 1:64...scary, but after the prof had measured and monitored just about everything we came out with a risk of 1:1124, sufficiently low that we don't feel the need to risk an amnio. Oh, and did I mention...IT'S A BOY! I am SO happy as I desperately wanted another boy as Star has been an absolute angel and my main reason for wanting another baby is for a sibling, and playmate for him. I think that a same sex sibling is just perfect for this and look forward to many years of cricket, football and rugby in the garden.
Well, apologies for such a long post but there was alot to say. I will do further posts with more details on all of the above as I know it was a bit of a whistle stop tour but wanted to give you all the headlines.
So until next time...keep smiling :D
