Stress free living...

I decided to write about this topic when the prompts were first put up. On Monday I enthusiastically started a draft, which was largely superceded on Tuesday.  So Wednesday arrived and I was back at the drawing board, scathcing my head.  At this point, most irritatingly, our broadband connection decided to go AWOL, and suddenly I knew exactly what I was going to write about.  You see, without the internet,  I have been like the proverbial cat on a hot tin roof and it got me thinking…

I find being a SAHM is, thus far, THE most stressful thing I have ever done but still I was really struggling to identify exactly what it was that I did to manage my way through it.  I guess my overarching technique is, after attending to Star’s every need, to put myself first, as in ‘me’ time.  My philosphy is that if I don’t invest some time in me to ensure that I am ‘in a good place’ then we are all in trouble.  So if I feel the need to ‘chill’, that is exactly what I do.  Whether it’s drinking tea, wathcing River Cottage or even blogging…the chores can wait.  They will still be there later.  There are days, and I’m sure we’ve all been there, when withour taking time out I feel meltdown would be inevitable !

I haven’t always been this way.  In my corporate days I was so driven that I was a danger to myself and eventually paid the price.  And believe me, eighteen months of prozac and counselling is not a price worth paying.  Maybe this is why, now, I put myself first (as far as possible).

So, back to my stress avoidance methods…

1.          Drink tea.  As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, this is like a hug in a mug to me.  And to achieve maximum relaxation and to pander to my slight OCD tendancies, my tea drinking has an accomanying ritual.  It must be very weak Earl Grey (the colour of chicken soup), it must be in a large bone china mug, and I must drink it sat in comfort with my feet up.  Ideally I should be able to enjoy the moment in complete stillness and silence.  Bliss
2.      .       River Cottage.  I love this program.  Picture the scene as in 1 above, but this time watching Hugh, and cooking, and farming, and gardening, and foraging and the wonderful Dorset coutryside and coastline.  This is the life I would have for myself if things were different and I love the escapism of watching how it would be.
3.     .       Blogging.  This was the one that I needed to be without to reaslise how much I have come to rely on it.  It works for me on so many levels.  I have always loved reading, not fiction, but about real life and useful stuff and with so many great blog posts out there I can always find one to suit my mood/need.   I also find that when I post myself it is an outlet for my thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams, experiences.  All the things I would have shared with friends, clients, colleagues, most of whom are no longer part of my life, or at best, not to the same extent.  Finally, and arguably the most important benefit, it enables me to feel part of a commnity and gives me a sense of belonging. 

Before blogging I felt both bored and isolated and that is a very stressful place for me to be. I find that having a connection with the outside world and an opportunity to use my now redundant brain is key to a healthy, calm mind.  And for that, I thank you.




This post was written for Sleep is for the weak's Wednesday Writing Workshop, prompt number 5, 'What do you do or where do you go to escape the stress of every-day life ?'

Stress free living...

Do we need supplements in a modern diet ?

At last, I have engaged brain, put pen to paper  fingers to keyboard and decided to do a post on a subject I am passionate evangelical about.  Good nutrition.  I must warn you that this will be the first of many.  I could drone on about this for YEARS.  So in an attempt to not overload you and bore you stupid I will adopt the drip feed  approach.  Bite sized chunks and all that.


Today I am going to post about giving children multivitamins.  Horror of horrors, yes it's true.  In fact, Star has had them since he was, hmmm, let me think, five days old.  There are a few common arguments people put forward for not taking/giving their kids multivits...

1. We get all the nutrients we need in our food/milk

 Not true.  The nutrient levels in food today is a fraction of what it was 30+ years ago.  Intensive farming has left the soil depleted.  Fertilizers supplement the major deficiencies but not all the macro nutrients.  If you need proof, send off a hair sample for analysis and I guarantee, however well you eat, you will have deficiencies. When you add in the fact that most people a) don't eat the perfect diet and b) have a lifelstyle/diet that exposes them to anti-nutrients ie pollution, stress, refined carbohydrates, alcohol, there is simply no hope of getting everything you need from food.  


     2.  Recommended Daily Amounts (RDAs) of nutrients are printed on packets of food/baby formula....


...so we know we're getting enough, right ?  Again, not true.  You need to ask yourself how the levels of RDA have been arrived at ?  The RDA is set at a level to prevent diseases of malnutrition.  We're talking scurvy and rickets here.  It is not set at a level to ensure we are the fittest, strongest, healthiest we can be.  Not by a very long way.


Of course the other thing as far as babies goes, is that if they are exclusively breast fed (which of course I wholeheartedly agree with), breast milk is only as nutritious as the mothers nutritional status.  And what's more , that leaves even fewer nutrients for the mother.


So, having established why I believe in supplementation I will give you one example of a study that has been done to demonstrate further.

A new study from the Karolinska Institute (the highest ranked university in clinical medicine and pharmacy in Europe) has shown that supplementing with multivitamins has no effect on the incidence of asthma, eczema, hayfever or atopic sensitisation.  However,  when they looked at data from children who started supplementing before the age of four, they found a 39% decrease in the risk of sensitisation to food. 

  

In the researchers own words “our results show no association between current use of multivitamins and risk of allergic disease but suggest that supplementation with multivitamins during the first years of life may reduce the risk of allergic disease at school age”.

This is just one little fact to consider.  There are so many others, and I will post further at another time, but doesn't it make you think ?

One last point.  If you work for a pharmaceutical company, or are a believer in their doctrine that all you need is drugs, please pass by and don't feel the need to comment.  I am not blogging about this to have heated debates on the subject but to put some info out there for open minded people to consider.  I've studied the subject, and seen the effects on my own family and am not about to have my mind changed. So There !

Do we need supplements in a modern diet ?

I am not pregnant...

I can't quite believe that I am posting about this.  After laying awake thinking about it last night the only way I could get back to sleep was to think through what my blog post would say.  So I've taken that as a sign that I need to do this for my sanity and hope that it will be somehow cathartic.

To start making sense of the title I should explain that I was pregnant.  Not very, only six weeks, but I definitely was pregnant.  And then, after a visit to A&E and two nights in hospital, I wasn't.  In fact I had only been kind of pregnant for the preceding two weeks.  During my hospital stay I was scanned and a 'pregnancy sac' and 'yolk sac' was found which is what you would to expect to see at four weeks, not six.  I should have had a little bean, but I didn't.

Now I know that as a miscarriage goes, to have it happen so early is relatively non traumatic.  But I am finding it quite difficult, and this has been surprising to me as I'm normally a pretty tough, unemotional, resilient soul.  On analysis, which I am too good at, there are reasons for this that I will now endeavour to explain.

If you didn't already know I am 40 and I have one perfect son, my little Star who is 13 months old.  Star did not come to us easily.  We started trying to conceive when I was 36, immediately following our wedding (I know, old fashioned !) but when nothing was happening we had tests only to be told we were both perfectly formed in the reproductive department.  By the time I was 38, still nothing, so we started down the 'assisted conception' route.  Thankfully we were given three goes at IUI and on our last attempt...bingo!  I stressed badly until the private eight week scan showed a heartbeat, I stressed badly until we were past the twelve week high risk period, I stressed badly until the downs syndrome scan and blood test the results of which almost destroyed me (our risk was 1:160) but  I couldn't take the chance of an amnio induced miscarriage, so I stressed some more until the anomoly scan told us all was well.

Somehow I made it to the end and Star was born by elective c section which was fantastic, as was he.  I always knew however that I didn't want Star to be an only child.  As with all parents I'm sure, I have only ever wanted the very best for him.  In my book one of the very best of life's good things is to have a sibling to share your  childhood with.  Someone to play with, someone to talk to, a companion.  Someone to teach you how to get along with people...the most valuable of life's lessons.  I felt so strongly about this that it was a condition of having Star...that we would have another.  Of course, now that he's here I couldn't imagine not having him, but before he was conceived I would have preferred to remain childless than to have an only child.


So, just before Star's first birthday back to the clinic we went.  Thankfully after some tests they agreed that I was still reproductively young enough to have another three goes at IUI before moving on to IVF (which I desperately don't want to have to do - far too invasive for a holistic person like me) and bingo once again, it worked.  I was pregnant on our first attempt.  My overwhelming reaction was one of relief.  Thank goodness, a sibling for Star.  Thank goodness, no more IUI treatments,  Thanks goodness, no IVF.  Thank goodness, I'm just 40...not 41, 42, 43, 44...  And as, despite my stressing, my pregnancy with Star had passed, pretty much, without event and he was such a prefect outcome, I relaxed.  I didn't worry.  My body had done all this before and coped, dare I say even did a good job.  So this time I would enjoy my pregnancy and not worry...


I did just this...until I was six weeks.  I did it so well that I met the fate of my pregnancy with disbelief and shock.  I couldn't believe it.  Things like this don't happen to me.  I'm healthy.  I don't drink alcohol...ever.  I don't smoke.  I don't drink coffee.  I eat organic food.  I take supplements....I'm too old.  It's not going to work for us this time.  Poor Star.  I've let him down.  I've failed him.  I've failed him.  I've failed him...


My eyes are welling up just writing this but I can't seem to get it out of my head.  I know it will take time but I haven't got time.  We'll be back to the clinic in January to start it all again, and I must be in a calm, confident, positive frame of mind but I'm finding it so hard....

I am not pregnant...

My favourite things about Star

As I seem to be frequently posting about how much I don't enjoy motherhood I thought maybe I should do a post about some of the things I like about my precious little angel (he is 13 months old by the way)  Just in case you were thinking it's him I don't like...

.

I love the way that he opens his mouth REALLY wide when he's smiling about something.  No toothy grin for my boy...fly catching gob.


I love the fact that he has so many teeth that I have lost count (12 at 12 mths and more since) and we have had not one sleepless night and not one grouchy day.


I love the fact that he has never (yet) had a clingy stage.  Despite spending the vast majority of his time at home, alone with me, he is in no way shy.  Men, women, old, young he greets everyone with his wide open gob and outstretched arms.


I love the way he uses his pincer grip.  Put some peas and sweetcorn on his plate and he will masterfully pincer each individual piece and pop into his mouth, using alternate hands.  Unless it's chocolate covered raisins (my one concession to his healthy eating regime, and then only if they're organic), when it's left pincer only.


I love the fact that my boy looks as though he will be left handed.  I prefer slightly unusual in all things.


I love his fascination with eye lashes.  His own or anyone else's that he's close enough to touch.  He very gently puts his index finger on the end of the lashes and then blinks.  He also likes to blink his lashes against my cheek when we're cuddling.


I love the way he sucks his thumb, with his index and middle finger hooked over his nose, whenever he is tired, hungry or cuddling with mummy.


I love the fact that he likes grown up things.  From 9 months he has eaten grown up food (Thai curry, chilli con carne, spag bol, moules...) and insisted on only drinking from a glass (other than bedtime bottle)


I love the way whenever you go towards him with a tissue/wipe for his nose/mouth he opens his mouth slightly and makes a continuous noise so that you can pat over his open mouth to achieve a 'cowboys and indians' style sound effect.


I love his attempt at kissing.  He will lean in, mouth open and when you pucker up he closes his mouth over yours.  If you're lucky he doesn't use his teeth.


I love the fact that when he has his bedtime bottle, he stops after 3 or 4 ozs, not for wind, but to play pat-a-cake and have a cuddle for 5 mins before returning to finish the last 2 or 3 ozs.  (I know it's not a big bottle but he has never liked milk much - unfortunate for a baby I thought)


I love the fact that, other than kissing and cuddling, he's a real 'boys boy' as my health visitor once put it.  He likes climbing, ranting and rough and tumble and doesn't seem to feel pain.


I love the fact that he is happy in his own company.  When he wakes in the morning, after his morning nap and after his afternoon nap he will quite happily play in his cot for, well, I don't know how long as I've never left him longer than 45mins but he is still happily playing with and chatting to his soft toys.


I love...my little Star immeasurably x

My favourite things about Star

Finally passing on the award...

You will recall that I was very kindly given an 'honest scrap' award by The Mad House last week and the deal was to pass it on to 10 others.  I'm sure some on my list will have received it already, so apologies if I'm duplicating, but these are my best reads, the ones I immediately click through to when they appear on my blogger dashboard.


For completeness I will now outline the rules that come with the honour that is the honest scrap award...


1. The Honest Scrap Award must be shared.
2. All recipients have to tell 10 true things about themselves that no one else knows.
3. All recipients have to pass the award on to 10 more blogs.
4. Those 10 blogs should link back to the blog that awarded them.


In no particular order the award goes to...tension building pause...

• Life and Times of a Househusband
• Bringing Up Charlie
• Sticky Fingers
• Synchronization Of Us
• Sleep Is For The Weak
• I'll Think Of A Title Later (I know you've recently recieved this but couldn't leave you out...and now you will have to heave that closet door open again !)
• Rosie Scribble
• Insomniac Mummy
• New Mummy
• Baby Baby

Now, a couple of housekeeping points.  Some of you may notice that I don't appear to be following you. Well there is a simple explanation.  I can't find the 'follow me' button on your blogs.  If it's more complicated than that I can't cope so perhaps you could help me out ?

Also, just wanted to say that I found it really, really hard to pick 10 as there are so many I love so if you're not here, I love you anyway :)

Finally passing on the award...